Before time runs out......

There are a multitude of things we would each like to do before we kick it. You think about it whether you want to admit or not. Face it. Here's a few of mine. Nobody cares, I know, but where else am I going to voice it? No particular order of importance, blah blah.

1. Learn how to embroidery.

2. Go to a rock concert.

3. See the Gulf of Mexico.

4. See a foreign country.

5. Feel good about my work again. Feel like I'm making a damn difference, doing something important.

6. Go see a play.

7. Learn to play piano.

8. Own a telescope.

9. Make someone so stupid happy they laugh or cry.


I can only think of nine. That's not too much to ask, right?

Falling Off the Wagon

.......with a mighty, resounding thud! There's the usual. Drink, Drug, Food (I'll admit to that one), Gambling, Disrespecting Self, Disrespecting Others, so on and so forth.

I fell off the wagon of Letting-the-Past-Haunt-You.

Note to self: You thought you had this whipped? Ha! You're not done yet.

Note to Geekboy: Hang in there, please.

What's your wagon?

A Baker She Is Not

This time on my hands has me looking to do some domesticated things I normally can't or just plain don't want to do, so today I tried a new recipe for Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies that turned out surprisingly tasty. I've never pretended to be a great baker. In fact, I don't even like it that much. But once in a while I feel sorry for the Heathens and put on my Suzy Homemaker hat and bake something. Not always with great success, but this time I think they turned out ok.

I apologize in advance for the amateurish pictures. I was shaking, the lighting sucked. I can come up with all kinds of excuses. But it was fun. The recipe will follow. Ok here we go.





First I creamed together a half cup of softened butter, half cup of peanut butter, 1 cup of packed brown sugar and half cup of white sugar. I prefer chunky peanut butter, but you can do creamy if you like. Whatever floats your boat.

Stir, stir, stir. Now you're ready to throw in a couple eggs.



Stir in two eggs, one at a time. I'm so efficient that you only see one egg here. Ahem.




Next, we add two tablespoons of water, 2 teaspoons of vanilla (How come I always have the need to add just a dab more than the recipe calls for?) and two tablespoons of light corn syrup. Mix it up and you'll be ready for the dry ingredients.




After mixing together two and a half cups of flour, a teaspoon of baking soda and about a quarter teaspoon of salt, slowly mix it in with the wet ingredients. And now the fun part. But first......

BEHOLD...................




GHIRARDELLI CHOCOLATE CHIPS!! Oh yeah! The best part. Now we can move on.


Fold in two cups of the chocolate chips. Eat the leftovers in the bag. Not really. Unless you want to.

Drop by teaspoonfuls onto a baking sheet. I always, ALWAYS line my baking sheets with parchment paper. Because I'm a lazy baker and hate it when I have to keep track of whether or not I have to grease or not grease or dust with flour or not dust or count to ten and stand on my head. But mostly because I have learned if I use it that my cookies usually come out pretty close to perfectly done.

And here is the final product. Yes, one is missing.


Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar, packed firmly
2 eggs
2 tbls light corn syrup
2 tbls water
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375. In a large bowl, cream together butter, peanut butter, sugars until smooth. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in corn syrup, water and vanilla. Combine flour, baking soda and salt. Stir into the peanut butter mixture. Fold in chocolate chips. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto baking sheets. Bake for approximately 9 minutes. Cooking times may vary.

Somatic Sense

Within less than a second you know you've been touched. Within less than a second, the nerve endings under your skin are sending signals to the neuron closest to it,to the next neuron, to neuron and so on.....until it reaches the brain.

Recently I spent a few unexpected days away from Geekboy. Since we have been together I've known he is much more affectionate than what I have ever been accustomed to (Yay for me!!!) and I have eaten it up and asked for more! But it wasn't until these past few days of forced separation that I became aware of how dependent I am on how much physical contact we have with each other. What a profound effect his touch has on me.

A calming hand on my back when he notices my increased level of anxiety for whatever reason. Gently, slowly rubbing circles until I am calmer. A loving, teasing hand on my knee as we are driving in the car, squeezing to the beat of the music of the CD we happen to have on. Grabbing hands just walking into the grocery store. Simple, but to me it is part of my peace.

I missed all that while away from him. And Geekboy? If you're reading this? Once you stop hurling from all the mush, I have more for you. Twice after you visited me, they came to take my vitals. My heart rate had gone down to normal. :::Pbbbtttt::: :)

Perspective

I'm thankful for some of the changes that happen in spite of my initial internal panic and dread at the thought of drastic upset to our little apple cart. I always end up doing the right thing, but sometimes it's painful to get there. In the end, it turns out fine and I realize once again that I should have skipped over the panic part and just jumped right into the fire. Easier said than done. Anyway.....

*The new job has turned out well, life is moving forward and the apple cart is still standing. I'm very lucky to have the husband and heathens, even luckier that we are all rolling with the punches.
*I'm working for a great doctor who is a dream, is anal in ways I understand and makes sure her team is happy. That team is me and my co-worker who is probably the single best teammate I've had in a job so far.
*My aging parents have finally moved into a place that's safe and near all the conveniences they need. No more driving 30 miles to grocery shop! They are around people they know and closer to their family.
*Geekboy is fine and on the mend. Enough said.
*I'm learning a little more patience all the time. I'll leave it at that.
*Even after doing last years Christmas shopping almost entirely online I'm still amazed how it simplifies my life to be able to whip up a few sites, whip out the credit card and get it all done from the comfort of my chair! No black friday shopping for me! 4 am is meant for sleeping.

Happy Thanksgiving. :)

Life's Monotony

......drip.......

.......drip.......

......drip........

Presto, Chango

So, life around here has changed somewhat and I’m trying to roll with the punches. Due to a job change for Geekboy, we’ve decided to put my school on hold for now and send me back to the workforce. Uhg. This medical assistant is not having an easy time finding work. Everyone wants nurses. Go figure. I interviewed last week with a potential supervisor at a clinic in a nearby burb and hopefully in a few days will meet the doctor I would be working with. Endocrinology. Interesting.

The job change for Geekboy may mean less money, but the pay off is that he can be human on the weekends, actually has this thing called paid holidays (whoa! Who’d a thunk it!) and we get to be insured without paying through the nose. Being self-employed had its definite perks, but all in all I think this is better for him. And that’s most important to me.

Sooo….I dropped all of my classes except for an online history that I can work around a job schedule, if I ever get one, and it will still apply towards my nursing pre reqs. I’ve been depressed somewhat, because I feel absolutely worthless, but if I can find a job doing what I love and am great at (healthcare) then I’ll keep my head above water until I can get back into school. If I have to get something out of my field and pays less, I’ll still do my best. I’ll be happy to have the job and have money coming in even if I’m miserable. Resolving myself to doing what has to be done in spite of being unhappy is something I’ve done before. I guess I can do it again.

The Heathens are having to adjust as well. They didn’t get a lot of extravagances before, but now things have changed enough they notice a difference. Otherwise, life is motoring along for them. Big Heathen wants to dye his hair green. Well, Ok. It’s not a restricted color due to gang issues at school. Little Heathen is getting new glasses and seems to be ok with it. Both of them have matured a bit over the summer, but as every parent does I’m sure, I look at them and wonder are they ever going to start “getting it” and start thinking about their futures?

Summers bout with mono really brought me down in more ways than one, I think. I did some research and found out that it can cause depression. Wonderful. I’m already fighting off the blues, so I don’t need that weighing in on me, as well. I still rarely have any energy, and when I do it seems to come in short bursts. I have been taking vitamins with the anti-stress stuff in it, but I don’t see how it’s helping. I've even tried getting a bit more sleep. I need to find some way to eek out more energy.